Anxiety and grief

This whole grieving thing is tough. Every time I think I have something figured out; a coping mechanism, an expected reaction, an anticipated emotion,  it sneaks out and gives me an unpredicted surprise. I've always been a bit of a hypochondriac. When my kids get sick I can get a bit crazy. I've ended up … Continue reading Anxiety and grief

Grief – Keeping my head above water

Grief is so unpredictable. It's hard to put into words. It's hard to describe the feelings that come along with it, the timing, the depth, the triggers, the encompassing numbness. Because its so hard to verbalize, I can imagine how hard it is to support someone in the depths of a deep grief. Some days … Continue reading Grief – Keeping my head above water

Going back to his home

Yesterday we went back. Back to the only place Killian ever lived. The place where I spent every moment with him. The place where he lived his short life. The place where he died.  Dean and I went back to Sick Kids. We went to see the people who spent his life with him. That … Continue reading Going back to his home

Six weeks since my baby died

Today marks six weeks. Six weeks since Killian died. As of tomorrow, he will have been gone longer than he was here. It’s surreal. It’s raw. It opens up some of those deep wounds that had begun to start to heal. I have missed my baby longer than I didn’t. I’ve look at his pictures … Continue reading Six weeks since my baby died

The depth of love after death

They say that you never really know how strong love can be until you have a child. I think that’s true. Once I had my boys I didn’t think that it would be possible to feel that love anymore than I did. Until I lost one of them. Don’t get me wrong, when you lose … Continue reading The depth of love after death