That last hour

It’s 130 am. I can’t sleep. Every time I close my eyes, that last hour keeps replaying. Over and over. Like a song on the radio that you just can’t stand to hear one more time. I want to change the channel, because I’m tired. Physically, mentally and emotionally tired. But I can’t. There’s no … Continue reading That last hour

The never ending tide of Grief

They say time heals all wounds...I don’t know who “they” are, but they got it wrong. Time does not heal all. Just like all the heart warriors battling this beast, we as parents have deep and angry scars. To say we will heal is a flat out lie. We’ll patch and bandage and medicate, but … Continue reading The never ending tide of Grief

Breathing in the memory of my baby

Today I came across this bag. This bag has Killian’s clothes and blankets in it. The ones that I was supposed to wash the day he died. I put my face in those clothes and I breathe deep. And I smell him. And it brings me most happiness and the deepest pain all at the … Continue reading Breathing in the memory of my baby

Grief…an unpredictable jerk

Man oh man, grief is unpredictable. It's such a learning process. Just when you think you're starting to get the hang of it, it will throw you for a loop. Grief hits you in waves, check. Grief is different for everyone, check. You will start to find a new normal, check. Expect to feel disconnected … Continue reading Grief…an unpredictable jerk

Death and grief – Part of the human experience.

I've been strugglng to write these last few weeks. It's been busy, yes. It's been emotionally draining, more so than I expected. But that's not why. I really do have so much to say. I write and write and write. I have a journal beside my bed that's slowly but surely filling up. But I … Continue reading Death and grief – Part of the human experience.