Grief – Keeping my head above water

Grief is so unpredictable. It's hard to put into words. It's hard to describe the feelings that come along with it, the timing, the depth, the triggers, the encompassing numbness. Because its so hard to verbalize, I can imagine how hard it is to support someone in the depths of a deep grief. Some days … Continue reading Grief – Keeping my head above water

Going back to his home

Yesterday we went back. Back to the only place Killian ever lived. The place where I spent every moment with him. The place where he lived his short life. The place where he died.  Dean and I went back to Sick Kids. We went to see the people who spent his life with him. That … Continue reading Going back to his home

Six weeks since my baby died

Today marks six weeks. Six weeks since Killian died. As of tomorrow, he will have been gone longer than he was here. It’s surreal. It’s raw. It opens up some of those deep wounds that had begun to start to heal. I have missed my baby longer than I didn’t. I’ve look at his pictures … Continue reading Six weeks since my baby died

Sick Kids Hospital

The nurses at Sick Kids. Say this to the parents of children who have had extended stays at the hospital, and you’ll hear a lot of the same words. Kind, dedicated, loving, family. Aside from their unbelievable knowledge and abilities, these are the qualities that make nurses so very special. And so under appreciated. These … Continue reading Sick Kids Hospital

Guilt after the death of a child

Guilt is such a powerful emotion. It can literally consume you if you let it. It will sneak up and make your stomach turn to ice. That anxious, creeping feeling makes it’s way up from your belly, through the shoulders, into your throat, and then into your head. It can literally make my lips tingle … Continue reading Guilt after the death of a child