Giving permission for SelfCare

You know what I just did? I got into a bath, with a bag of chip and cold beer. At 1 o’clock in the afternoon. I looked at pictures of my baby boy who I was supposed to outlive and I cried. And now I write, because writing has become a huge ally in this … Continue reading Giving permission for SelfCare

The Day my Baby Died

I’ve thought long and hard about sharing this picture. It was taken in the final moments of Mr. Bean’s life. He had just been unplugged from all of his machines, his IV’s and tubes removed, and he was placed in our arms. There were probably 30 doctors and nurses standing around his bed. The PACT … Continue reading The Day my Baby Died

The Holiday season with out my child.

Christmas and New Years are a blur to me right now. Although I can honestly say that I had a wonderful holiday with my family, it was a little harder than I anticipated. I think that because I never had Killian through a Christmas, I didn’t expect to miss him as much as I did. … Continue reading The Holiday season with out my child.

Infant and child loss…I am 1 in 4.

When people look at me they see a lot. Some may thing I look nice. Some may think I look unapproachable and cold. Some may think I look like I have all my shit together. Some may think I look like a hot mess. Funny, crazy, confident, strange, friendly, cold. When you look at anyone, … Continue reading Infant and child loss…I am 1 in 4.