October 18, 2018 “Going home without my baby”

We’re home. Back in Sudbury. It’s very strange to be back, exactly where I left two months ago, with no changes here. It’s all exactly the way I left it. There’s no basinet, play pen or swing. Hardest of all, is there is no Killian. There’s no signs of the life changing event that just rocked our lives. It’s a difficult pill to swallow. But I’m going to do everything in my power to bring him here. To bring him into every aspect of our lives. Pictures, stories, mementos.

Most of all I want people to remember him now and then. I want friends, family and even all of you I haven’t met, to remember his name. If he made an impact on your life, even in a tiny way, think of him. I couldn’t ask for more.

I want Killian to remind people to kiss their kids, even when they’re driving you up the wall with the tenth snack request in two minutes. Call your Mom, your Dad, even your cousin four times removed, and tell them you love them. To have an impromptu dance party in the kitchen on a Monday night.

If I’ve learned anything from this, it’s that we don’t always have more time. We always think we do. Even in the middle of what we were going through, I thought we had more time with Killian. I think it’s human nature. But if Killian can remind you, even just once in while, that we aren’t guaranteed anything, then his memory won’t be able to dim.

We will be having a drop in celebration of life for our Bean next Saturday. Anyone who would like to pop in is more than welcome. I’ll post in a day or two with the details.

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